Sunday - Beach again

We’ve really taken advantage of the California beaches this summer. Initially due to COVID, as they are a good place for socially distanced recreation. The water in Northern California is freezing (OK, not really, but quite cold). Plus the Coast near San Francisco is often foggy and overcast in the summer. Therefore, these beaches typically don’t receive the crowds seen in Florida or even in Southern California. 

For the last couple of weeks, we’ve also been escaping the smoke at the beach. I’m thankful this has been an option, since the last time the air quality was really bad here due to wildfires, it was even bad on the coast. 

All that said, staying positive has been difficult. I’m working on it because negative thoughts about the current air quality situation really don’t serve me in the short term, since I can’t do too much about it. However, my husband and I are seriously talking about relocating within the next couple of years because these fires will continue. We are hoping to stay with our current employers because we both like our jobs, and perhaps that will be easier now that the pandemic has disrupted previously held beliefs about teleworking. We are still in the very early stages of these discussions, so I have no idea where we will end up. But it’s fun to ponder!

Baby Y had a colicky breakdown yesterday evening, his first in a couple of weeks. Finally got him down after an Ergo walk outside and more Ergo time inside. Today he's been kind of cranky, so I've been carrying him a lot rather than helping him get "higher quality sleep" in his bassinet. Hoping for improvement tomorrow. 

Smoky again

 

Yes, that is a bruise. She fell off her fancy dining chair the other day.

The air quality in the Bay Area was bad most of the day. We managed, even though O also became sick with a cold. I succeeded doing a workout with M in the room this morning - about 5 minutes of spinning (had to stop because she was clinging to the bike), followed by a HIIT workout that I found on Spotify. She did some jumping and tried to imitate my burpees, too. 

In the afternoon, I took M to Sharp Park Beach in Pacifica because the air was fine there. Very windy and beautiful. She ran around, I watched some kiteboarders, and we almost got attacked by a squirrel who wanted our crackers and nuts. Let's hope tonight and tomorrow go OK!

Habits

The bike has come in really handy - COVID, smoke, newborn...

I admit that I’m a fan of self-help books and podcasts. The genre is not everybody’s favorite, and I agree with some of the criticism (and recently finished a book by a self-help skeptic), but I’m still drawn to it. And I do believe that consuming self-help content has brought value to my life. 

Many of the books I’ve read focus on the importance of establishing desirable habits. I’ve developed a number of such habits over the years, but I haven’t really been motivated to track them. 

For some reason during this maternity leave, though, I’ve finally begun some tracking. Maybe it’s because I’m craving some structure and control - since raising a newborn provides neither. I’ve also drawn inspiration from some of my favorite bloggers and their podcasts. Not sure how long I continue this, but for now here are the habits:

• Cardio exercise - at least 20 minutes of running or spinning. This is something I’ve done daily for years, so it’s a very ingrained habit, like brushing teeth. So not sure I really need to track it, but it helps with feeling accomplished. 
• Strength training - BodyFit by Amy 10-minute abs or arms four days a week, 30 push-ups on the other days. I hate doing strength training, so this is definitely one to track. I find that I have to convince myself that strength training is important. Apparently it’s good for bone density, though I don’t understand how that works. And it might help avoid injury. Finally, having a toned body looks better, but I don’t really care about that. All these reasons aren’t particularly exciting to me, which is why I had a hard time incorporating strength training into my routine.
• Meditation - at least 5 minutes. I either just listen to white noise or use this podcast. I’m not a fan of meditation apps, as I believe that they make this more complicated and can be distracting. This one is difficult for me, and I think it’s because I hold a vague belief that meditation is valuable, but I’m not sure what results I’m seeking or how to measure them.
• Blog or journal - I can draft something on my phone while holding Baby Y (like I’m doing right now) and then post it later on the computer. This one is an exciting habit. I love the feeling of having poured what’s on my mind onto the page, of seeing the finished product, and of knowing that I can go back to old posts and entries to remind myself what was happening at a certain point on my life and my family’s lives. 
• Reach out to a friend or a professional connection. This is a daily habit I’ve tried to put in place, but failed in the past. I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for me, but I know that I’m not the only one that finds it challenging. Maybe it’s some sort of social anxiety and a concern that I’m bothering people by reaching out to them? Not sure, but it’s something to explore. 

That’s it for now. So far I’ve tracked for less than a week, but it’s definitely helped me motivate myself to do certain things even if I don’t feel like it. The easiest ones are the cardio, especially running, and the writing. Meditation and reaching out to people are the most difficult. 

Again, I have no idea how I'll continue, maybe because I'm not convinced of the value of tracking. We'll see in a week. 

Some relief + pacifier weaning

Just a random pic from yesterday

 

Of all the things for which I’m thankful today, better air quality is at the top of the list. It seems like the fire crews are starting to gain some tenuous control of the fires, aided by favorable weather. Seems like many people still remain evacuated, which sounds just awful amidst COVID. I’m hoping that we’ll see some relief here for the next couple of months, but fire season is far from over, and there may be lots more smoke to come this Fall. 

I spent most of today trying to get Baby Y to sleep without his pacifier, which has become a big sleep crutch for him. It was manageable for a while, but I decided it’s tile to change something after spending over two hours re-inserting the pacifier into his mouth last night just so he would sleep. I just left him to cry for a while and then let him fall asleep on my chest, but without the pacifier. 

Today I had one success and one failed attempt at a bassinet nap with no pacifier. And two successful Ergo naps without the pacifier. He’s now been sleeping on my chest in the carrier for two hours. Not ideal, but progress. There’s been a lot of screaming, and we’ll probably experience more this evening. I’m not looking forward to it, but I keep telling myself that babies are more adaptable than we sometimes assume. 

In other news, I might be getting some sniffles. Don’t think it’s COVID, but still annoying. Hope it blows over. 

Beach tent and managing my thinking

Just some random updates for today:

• I bought a beach tent on Amazon. I'm not sure if we really NEED it, but I justified it by saying that we have to go to beaches and parks a lot due to COVID, and that my fair-skinned self and children need shade, especially the baby. We tried it out in the communal "front yard" of our apartment building yesterday, and M approved heartily. This morning she asked about setting it up again.
• The wildfires seem to be more contained, and the air quality today has been better than the last few days. Lots more green and yellow on that map. Thank you, Cal Fire!!!!!!! 
• Not that we can forget about climate change and natural disasters, with Hurricane Laura making headlines and causing evacuations.
• I am trying to learn to be OK with being tired. I hate being tired and I obsess about it, which causes all sorts of negative emotions. But there's not a lot I can do about it at this point, given that I have a newborn who's not an amazing sleeper. I wonder if the current popular narrative about "the dangers of not sleeping enough", "sleep debt", etc. is a bit too extreme. I would imagine that our minds and bodies evolved to withstand prolonged periods of sleeplessness. Need to do some research on that. 
• Random food update: I recently began sauteing green beans instead of steaming them, and they taste so much better that way! We are having green beans, tofu and rice for dinner today.

Baby Y is 10 weeks old

 I can’t decide whether the last 10 weeks have moved quickly or slowly. There’s a huge divide between the pre-Y times and now, but I feel like the time since his birth flew by more quickly than M’s first 10 weeks. Maybe because he didn’t scream nearly as much as she did. 

When I’m tired or frustrated or both, I find myself wanting to move to the next stage (sleep training, milestones like sitting up and talking, even going back to work). But when he’s smiling at me or sleeping like the sweetest angel, I want to freeze time and extend these moments as long as possible. After this, I’ll never have another newborn, and thinking about it makes me both sad and relieved. I’m guessing all these thoughts and emotions are fairly typical. 

Anyway, what’s Baby Y like at 10 weeks?

• He’s got very good head control and in now doing a strong “cobra pose” when he’s awake and curious 
• His arm movements are a bit less erratic and maybe more deliberate, but I don’t think he quite understands his arms yet
• He is now enjoying laying on the play mat and looking at the dangling figurines above. Sometimes he hits them with his hands, but I’m still not sure if it’s accidental or not
• His wake times are lengthening, but his “happy and awake” periods generally don’t last more than 20 minutes
• His sleep is all over the place, though I’m cautiously optimistic. Last night was better than the previous two - he woke up to eat at 11pm, 3am and then 6:45. He fell asleep quickly after the 11pm, not so quickly after the 3, but at least it wasn’t a two-hour wake period like before. He also annoyingly woke up at 5am, so I stuck a pacifier in his mouth, went downstairs and woke up O to take over while I slept a little more.
• He still really likes being in the Ergo - that’s his happy place. But I think he slowly becoming more comfortable in the bassinet
• When he smiles, the world is a happy place.

Now I am just hoping that the brave men and women battling the fires have some success sooner rather than later. I wish I could do something to help right now, other than just donating money, but I feel fairly handicapped. 

New week: fires, baby sleep, cooking

Today wasn't particularly exciting, which is fine by me. Baby Y was up for two hours in the middle of the night (well, early morning) after a feeding, and that wasn't fun. He was just looking around curiously for some of it. Very cute, but NOT AT 1AM, Baby Y! 

The fires are still...going. The air quality was bad around here for most of the day, but lightened in the afternoon, so I took advantage and went for a short run. Before that, I spent most of the day getting Baby to sleep. Not sure how many short naps he took, but it was at least five. Probably more. 

Reading:

- "All I Did Was Ask" by Terry Gross. I haven't heard any of the interviews printed in the book, so I may go back and listen to at least some of them. I think that hearing them is a richer experience than reading them, but you probably remember them better after reading. 

- Just started "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport. It's a quick read, and I buy into his argument so far.

Cooking:

- I made a simple tahini sauce yesterday in a nod to my husband's Israeli heritage, and today I mixed it with some shredded green cabbage for a really simple cabbage salad.

- For breakfast I had a HUGE oat smoothie. Blended Vegan Overnight Oats with some almond butter and a little mango for sweetness. It was good, but I had some indigestion afterwards. Will go easy on it tomorrow.

Now O has the baby in the carrier and I gotta pick up Y and start the evening routine. 

Sunday - Lake Merced

Took M to Lake Merced again today. It’s my new favorite spot. It’s often cool and overcast, so no need to worry about burning and overheating. And the air quality there has been better than the surrounding areas. We look at people jogging, fishing, and at the ducks swimming. Social distancing is not a piece of cake, but not terrible, either. There are a couple of port-a-potties, and they are disgusting. But if you need to go, you can pee in the bushes, not that I speak from experience.

M kindly sat in the stroller and had her snack while I ran somewhere between three and four miles around the lake. And she ran for part of it, as well - not totally sure how much, but maybe a fourth of a mile? I hope that’s her parent’s commitment to exercise is providing a good model for her. 

Sad smoky Saturday

Feels like most of California is on fire. I’m sad. I haven't particularly enjoyed the COVID shelter-in-place, but I never felt trapped like I do now. Part of me wonders if we need to drive north to a “greener zone” before it becomes too late. We’re not in one of the many areas threatened by fire, thankfully, but it definitely feels like it’s encroaching upon us. From the East, South and North. 

Unfortunately, this is not going to get better, because climate change. We’ve been talking about leaving California for a couple of years now, and we are seriously thinking about it more and more. One of our highest priorities for our family is being able to spend time outside, and if we can’t do that for weeks at a time, then we have a problem.

Running up and down a hill outside local elementary school

This morning the air on our area wasn’t terrible yet, so I got out for a short jog and then a walk with M. Then we all piled into the car and drove to Lake Merced in San Francisco, which was blessedly foggy and clear. But the air quality now is unhealthy for everyone, and being in the haze just feels oppressive and apocalyptic. M is napping/resting, Y is sleeping in my chest, but after M’s nap I think one of us will take her somewhere again. Perhaps even Lake Merced! Or elsewhere in San Francisco. The beaches are closed because the cities with jurisdiction of said beaches are (understandably) trying to prevent an onslaught of visitors. 

I have no idea what the smoke will be like tomorrow and what we’re going to do. And I am practically praying that M’s preschool will be open on Monday, but who the hell knows. They had to close due to poor air quality for half a day on Wednesday, and they might have to do the same again. 

This has been quite the six months. Scratch that, year. All I can say is - at least I’m not pregnant!

Weekend Report: Heat and Freak Thunderstorm

Written on Tuesday morning. 

We survived a 5-day “weekend” with two kids. M’s preschool was closed Wednesday through Friday last week, and so we were with a willful 3-year-old and a colicky 2-month-old for five days. Oh, and there was a heat wave throughout the five days and a THUNDERSTORM Saturday night through Sunday morning. We didn’t have AC and the thunder and lightening kept us up, though miraculously the kids slept through it. Plus COVID. 

By Sunday night, we were pretty exhausted and demoralized. M was being very clingy with me, clearly due to some jealousy, and very mean to her dad. This behavior is exhausting for me, hurtful for O, and sad for both of us. Hopefully it’s temporary. 

Tevas and a mask

Coyote Point in San Mateo

She played in the gutter for about 15 minutes and could've continued if I allowed her

Insisted on wearing her mask

Everyone including M was super excited for her to go to preschool on Monday. Even Y took a really good nap yesterday afternoon (almost 3 hours) to celebrate. 

Today I tried to put Y on some sort of flexible schedule and also tried a minor amount of sleep training for naps. My efforts were a total failure. He’s eaten every two hours or even more frequently, and slept less than necessary, so he’s probably overtired. But at least I haven’t carried him in the Ergo today, which is good because we’ve all become dependent on it for his naps and using it as a sleep crutch is becoming unsustainable since he’s quite heavy now. 

So sweet

Currently he’s sleeping on my chest as I write this. It’s peaceful and I will remember moments of this with partial fondness, I think. Oh, and we got an old portable AC unit from my dad, so now I’m my bedroom is cool and comfortable. Fingers crossed that we won’t be affected by the rolling blackouts that may occur on California this week!

Arts and crafts

I used to love crafting as a little kid. I loved drawing, cutting, gluing and coming up with new project ideas. I especially loved sewing. As a teenager in the US, I got the sense that these activities were "uncool". Ever since then, I've allowed my creativity muscles to atrophy.

Part of the issue is that I have, like many women, convinced myself that I need to always be productive. "Productive" activities generally include the following: paid work, childcare, cooking and cleaning, exercise, sleep (but only a certain amount) and investing in relationships - though this last one is definitely a more recent addition to the "productivity suite". I have a difficult time doing things "just for the sake of doing them" - and that's where crafting fits in. I don't feel that I'm going to advance my career or add much to my family's well-being by sewing or making decorative items, and I can easily buy much better quality versions of whatever I could make myself. That said, I do believe that working on projects "just because" is an important part of a meaningful and happy life, and it's something I do want my children to embrace.

Thankfully M is at an age where play without particular goals IS the goal, and I'm glad that it is forcing me to do some arts and crafts with her. At three years old, she is developing increasing coordination and interest that will allow for more advanced projects. 

My husband decided a few days ago that she should make birthday cards for two of her cousins. She's been learning about colors of the rainbow in preschool, and so we settled on featuring "rainbow cake" on each card. I cut out strips of colored paper, quizzed M on the order of the colors, and she helped me glue them. Then she drew the candles on top. The "design" was borrowed from a card that we purchased, so I can't say I was very original here, but I found this to be an easy and fun project to do with a three-year old! 

Up next - handmade Halloween costumers for the family! (haha)

Writing her name in the card

Mills Canyon - Baby's first hike

Today Baby Y and I hiked in Mills Canyon in Burlingame. And by "we hiked" I mean that I got super sweaty hauling him in the Ergo. Especially because I walked to the trailhead from my house in the warm August sun. Working on those buns of steel. Anyway, I think he liked it!

Leaves of three - let them be!

Overlook with SF bay views

Much of the hike was shaded, which was key. I would really like to get better at identifying plants and animals while hiking, but all I can say that I saw a LOT of poison oak and a lot of lizards. 

M has a "5-day weekend" starting tomorrow (due to administrative preschool closure) so we might try to hike this as a family. It's a 1.4-mile loop, but we will attempt to shorten it so that M can do the whole thing.

Weekend report

We had another fairly successful two-kid weekend. On Saturday, we did an "urban hike" up some pretty hilly streets and to a park about 1.5 miles away from our home. The playground was, of course, closed, but M still had fun running around the grassy area, and we were rewarded with awesome views of the bay and SFO from the park and on the way down. After the park, both kids napped and I was able to take a previously-thought-impossible 1.5 hour nap next to Y. In the afternoon, M played with a few kids from our building in our shared outdoor space.  

On Sunday we made it out to Sharp Park Beach in Pacifica for a socially distanced meetup with a friend and her son who is M's age. The kids played together because keeping preschoolers apart is just too difficult, and we are reasonably OK with the relatively small risks, especially now that Y is a little more established and M is back in preschool. 

Back to preschool...for now

M helping with food prep the other day!

M started back at preschool this week. O is back at work half-time and from home, so I still have opportunities for breaks, which is very nice. I mean, would I like some live-in help to take care of household tasks and help with childcare? Sure! But having your (very helpful) husband still at home seven weeks postpartum when you have a very fussy/colicky baby is pretty nice. 

Speaking of the baby, his sleep has somewhat improved lately due to some...eh..sleeping modification that we made that may or may not be approved by our pediatrician. But we were at the end of our rope because he would...not...sleep on his back without being held. Last night he still woke up every 1.5-2 hours to eat for part of the night. And I nursed him. But I was able to sleep between the feedings, and at 2:30 O took over and I slept downstairs until 7. So I'm feeling tired today, but it's a "normal person" tired rather than "my body hurts and I want to cry" tired. 

No energy for hair and makeup, though

Currently reading:

"The Dutch House" by Ann Patchett

"Anatomy and Physiology or Dummies" - decided to revisit some old human biology knowledge, what with COVID and two little kids...always useful to know the basics

Mr. Money Mustache blog (devouring via the eponymous app on my phone)

Listening to:

Too many podcasts, including the following:

"2 Docs Talk" - for the same reason as "Anatomy and Physiology" - so I can be a better consumer of healthcare, as much as I don't want to be a consumer of healthcare

"Weight Loss for Busy Physicians with Katrina Ubell, MD" - I'm not a physician and I'm not really trying to lose weight, but I'm a working mom with a sometimes stressful lifestyle, and I've had some long-running issues with emotional eating that have hampered my quality of life. Dr. Ubell's content is spot on because she focuses on thought and emotion management, which are always at the root of any overeating problems - in my experience, anyway. 

"Fresh Air", of course, though I haven't been listening to that one as much as I would like, given how impactful it can be. It always just seems like the other podcasts are lighter and easier listening, so I opt for the others. But "Fresh Air" is always worth it.