Before the skies turned orange

I wrote this before California became enveloped in smoke last week, and just was too anxious and depressed to finish the posting. But posting it now since I might like to read it someday. Last week was tough. We made it through, but many signs point to more wildfires this Fall, not to mention a worsening from the ones that are still burning. 

This is what I saw around 11am on Wednesday, August 9

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We had quite the historic weekend here. Record highs in the Bay Area. Terrible air quality for much of the time. And a sleepless newborn. 

And yet, we also managed to have fun. My in-laws visited, and the timing couldn’t have been better, for us, anyway. 

On Saturday morning, M and I went for a jog (I ran and she sat in the Bob) and then visited the daycare/preschool that she and Y will be attending this Fall. Her current preschool, which we love, doesn’t offer an infant program, and we luckily secured spots for both in a different well-regarded center. M will start in October, and Y will start in November. M seemed to enjoy the visit. She thought that I was going to leave her there right then, and didn’t seem to mind too much. So hopefully she’ll be OK with the transfer in a month. 

My in-laws arrives in the afternoon and played with M after her nap while my husband and I worked on getting Y to sleep. Which was not fun. He proceeded to have one of his worst nights, if not the worst, since we brought him home. Barely slept between midnight and 3:30 am. Seemed like something was bothering him, so we eventually gave him some Tylenol, and that seemed to help. 

Saturday was hot, but no terribly, and the air quality was decent. But we mentally prepared ourselves for Sunday. 

Sunday morning, O and I ran together! For the first time in a year, maybe? It wasn’t long, but it was nice. That was our “date night”. After the run, everyone got ready to drive to the beach - everyone except me! I got to stay home and rest, and it was fantastic, even though my attempt to nap were unsuccessful. I just lied down and rested without worrying that somebody could wake me up any second. And performed some minor chores. 

That afternoon featured 100-degree heat and terrible air quality around the Bay Area. It felt claustrophobic and kind of apocalyptic. We blasted our portable A/C unit, which helped a lot, and rotated the air purifier around the house. I got some additional time to read and do some organizing, but the whole evening featured an undercurrent of sadness and low-grade despair. 

Baby Y thankfully slept much better that night, and so did we. The A/C unit was so crucial. On Sunday morning, we got ready for another day at the beach. Since many Bay Area beaches were closed, purportedly to help avoid the spread of COVID, it appeared that the entire Bay Area convened on Ocean Beach in San Francisco, since that was open. Yep, so instead of allowing people to spread around multiple beaches, the local governments forced them all to one (albeit a very big one). 

Ocean Beach looked like Venice Beach - I had never seen it so hot or so crowded. Thankfully there was still plenty of room for distancing, we busted our our new tent, and enjoyed the warm day - which was really quite amazing if I didn’t think too hard about the reasons for why it was so lovely. 

O and I were each able to jog near the beach while the other parent had Baby Y in the ergo and the grandparents entertained his older sister. Baby Y slept pretty much the whole day, with short breaks to eat and wiggle around in the tent for a bit. 

Around noon we decided to forego heading home for M’s naptime. My in-laws headed back to Los Angeles, and we texted some local friends and decided to stick around until the early evening. M enjoyed the friends when they arrived, and I finally cajoled her to get into the water, of which she had been scared earlier. She ended up having so much fun jumping in the waves! The water was cold, but not as freezing as I remembered it - and it was a very refreshing contrast to the air. Oh, and I walked with Y to get a cold brew from a fancy coffee shop’s takeout window - my first in about six months. I certainly appreciate them more now that they are a major exception to my routine. That place, Andytown coffee roasters, must’ve made a killing yesterday. That part of the beach has become more popular over the years, but days like that only come around once in a while. 

We ended up having a great day, even though M was exhausted and cranky upon arriving home, as predicted. Baby Y was also cranky and exhausted despite having slept most of the day - maybe that was because the Ergo sleep was of lower quality than stationery sleep? I’m thinking of bringing his portable bassinet next time and seeing how he does with that. 

It was certainly a memorable weekend - I am feeling quite worried and sad about the state of things in California (and everywhere, really, due to climate change) - but also proud of doing the best with what we were handed. And thankful for my in-laws’ visit, our car, and our A/C unit. And I realize this is super cheesy, but whatever. 

Parenting and accomplishment

I love achieving goals and crossing tasks off a list. I love to see tangible results of my effort, even if the results are questionable in value (like a sent email). However raising little humans, particularly newborns, often doesn't lend itself to neat bullet journal collections or project management software. The whole process is very messy, and progress is unclear. Not to mention much less valued by our society than sitting at a computer all day - you don't make money raising kids (other than if your company is paying you on maternity leave, but I think that's more about paying you so that you come back to work!)

I am so so thankful that I have this time to spend with my baby, and I will treasure these weeks always. But day to day, hour to hour? It's kind of boring. Especially when the baby will only sleep while held. I have done a fair amount of reading, but it's not particularly relaxing when a baby is squirming on your chest, threatening to scream at any moment. 

At least the rolls on his thigh indicate that I'm feeding him well!

This is just my perspective and others may disagree, and maybe even get angry upon reading this. Sorry! 

Baby Y is 11 weeks!

Baby Y is growing and becoming more and more adorable! As I write this, he is snoozing in the Ergo, and just appeared to laugh in his sleep. Does a "melting heart" emoji exist? 

During the last two days, he's begun to discover his extremities. He's sucking on his hand, trying to grab my clothes when I hold him, and looking at his feet moving. He's also blowing bubbles and is starting to drool a lot. My husband began calling him "Rudy Drooliani", but I recommended "Droolian Assange", since the latter possesses more redeeming qualities. (M was "Droolia Roberts" for a lot time).

He still cries a fair amount, usually when he's tired, but also smiles a lot throughout the day. He looks at us with such love, or at least that's how I interpret it. He is also becoming more proficient at creating sounds like "ooh" and "aah" in response to conversation or singing. He's also able to handle more independent time - in the bouncer, on the Boppy pillow, or on the playmat with little characters dangling above him. Maybe 10 minutes at a time. 

As I expected, things at 11 weeks postpartum are easier than they were at 6 weeks. We're even starting to approach something resembling a routine - the day-to-day events still change constantly, but there is some general structure. 

His naps still mostly suck unless one of us is wearing him, though yesterday O held him in the late afternoon on the couch and he slept for 3 hours. But generally not a fan of napping. This is annoying, but temporary, so I tell myself to enjoy the little munchkin on my chest as much as possible. I definitely wouldn't say that this stage is "going by so fast", but it's going nonetheless, and I will miss many aspects of it.