Baby Y is one month old!

We've survived the first month at home with two kids!

The highlights:

• I feel like my family is now "complete".
• Baby Y is very cute. 
• M seems to like Baby Y and is excited to play with him. She exhibits some jealousy occasionally, but it's very mild. 
• I've gotten into a "routine" of mid-morning walks and park time with Y. I walk about 10 minutes with the stroller and sit on the bench and read "The Economist" on my phone for an hour or two. 
• M's childcare arrangement is working out pretty well still. So thankful for it.
• O is on leave for another two weeks. I'm so thankful that he didn't have to go back to work after two weeks...that's just inhumane, in my opinion. 
• We've had a lot of help from family for the first month, which was crucial. In August we'll be "our our own" - mostly because of COVID - and I'm nervous. Thank goodness this isn't our first kid and that we're both on leave. 

Sleep:

Baby Y is not a fan of sleeping unless somebody is holding him. And therefore our sleep suffers. At the moment, my husband is trying to get him to sleep and he's protesting. Again. Even though he's clearly tired. Sometimes (OK all the time) I think it's unfair that both of our babies have been bad sleepers. But of course we are very lucky overall. So I try to remind myself of that. I'm falling into the trap of trying to find "the strategy that will work for his sleep". Even though I'm probably better off accepting that he's just a bad sleeper, counting down the days and weeks until we can sleep train (most likely cry-it-out) just like we did with M at around 3.5 months, and just lowering my expectations of what I can "accomplish" during this time. Being a sleepless zombie won't kill me (unless I have to drive, but I don't really have to go anywhere) and whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I am just tired of having needed to tell this to myself every day since I my pregnancy kicked into high gear in mid-October.

COVID:

The situation is just scary and discouraging, not sure what else to say about it.  I try to not read the news and just get important updates from my husband. I just can't or don't want to handle it right now. We are planning to send M back to preschool on August 3rd because her nanny/babysitter won't be available starting the following week  - her kids are going back to school, either online or in person, who knows - and she won't be able to watch M. I am nervous, but the alternative is having both kids at home all day every day, and my mental health can't handle that. If things continue to get worse, we might look into hiring a professional nanny and sharing with another family, but that poses a whole other set of challenges - the cost, the nanny's own social distancing, etc. We'll see.

Daily walks

Since coming home from the hospital, I've been pretty diligent about getting a solo walk in every day. During my first maternity leave, I walked a lot with the stroller. But this time a) we are working on getting the baby used to sleeping in a non-moving bassinet; and b) I am prioritizing non-kid time out of the house, even just for 30 minutes a day.

I'm a creature of habit when it comes to runs and walks, and I've been doing the same 1.5-mile route through a beautiful and quaint neighborhood where we will not be able to afford a home any time in the foreseeable future. And that's OK - I love that I get to enjoy walking through it every day without paying the price. I almost always listen to podcasts, though I sometimes force myself to turn them off and just be alone with my thoughts - something I've been working on especially in the last few months.

I am thankful that I have the ability to take this time to myself while my husband stays with one or both kids, depending on the day.

Life with a two-week-old

I have come out on the other side of pregnancy! Our beautiful son Baby Y was born on June 16th at 3am, a week ahead of his due date and after a fast 8-hour labor.

We've been adjusting to life with "kids", including the new baby. Oh, and during a pandemic that appears to be getting worse by the day. But I won't focus on that now.

I definitely felt like my heart was split open for a week or more after Y was born. Just feeling an overwhelming amount of love for everyone, and also anxiety about something bad happening to the people I love. I also had this overwhelming sense that I'm so incredibly lucky, and that my kids are so lucky to have all the privileges that we were born into. While those thoughts are generally good, it was a little too much of a good thing, but my hormones are calming down.

I believe I've learned some things during and since my first postpartum period that will help manage this one:

• I have become a much better napper, and now I'm pretty good about lying down and at least resting, even though I still hate napping
• Breastfeeding is easier this time because I generally know what I'm doing...it was a struggle for at least the first 6-8 weeks with M
• I'm not worried about "losing my identity" or anything like that - I know that the postpartum period is temporary and that what comes after it is just wonderful
• I'm reminding myself to savor this little newborn nugget because this will be my last one! This is more difficult to do when he's crying, but to me he's awfully cute no matter what

Speaking of crying, Y's big sister M had terrible colic starting three weeks old, and I'm worried that he will, too. So far he's been mostly cooperative, but I wouldn't call him an "easy" baby, and he does get gassy and fussy while nursing. M screamed bloody murder during each feeding for a few weeks, and I really hope we're not heading that way with Y, but maybe we're more prepared?

Overall, I'm so happy and fortunate that we get to have two little people in our family. They are definitely the light of my life...and on that note, the little guy is grunting and waking up to eat.