Saturday, October 5, 2019

Fear of Flying




I took a fun and informative "Fear of Flying" workshop yesterday. As a fearful flyer, I've wanted to take a class like this for a while, and it was awesome to see it offered at the San Francisco Airport!

I've had a fear of flying since my teens. It was very intense until my early 20s - I would dread flights for days ahead (preparing to die), be gripped with fear throughout each flight, and drive instead of flying if it was at all possible. When I was in college, I opted to take a 20-hour bus to train to bus Amtrak sequence to Los Angeles instead of a 1-hour flight.

In my mid-20s, I had a job that required me to travel at least once or twice a month. The constant exposure helped, and most flights were under two hours. While I don't think shorter flights are much less "dangerous" (in quotes because flights really aren't dangerous) than shorter ones, the shorter flights just didn't allow my anxiety to build so much.

Over time, I also learned more about the mechanics of flight, the heavy regulations imposed on the industry, and the very, very rigorous hiring, training, certification and professional conduct requirements placed on pilots. This helped. So did getting my general anxiety under control.

However I still do get nervous on takeoff, during turbulence, and sometimes during landing. On our recent trip to Israel, I had a breakdown during a bad turbulence episode - after the pilot told the flight attendants to sit down, I just lost it, almost waking up my sleeping toddler. On a following flight from Las Vegas, I almost grabbed on to a passenger next to me during a somewhat bumpy takeoff. So...not great.

The course was offered by a nonprofit called Fear of Flying Clinic. They offer one-day workshops and four-day in-depth clinics that include a "graduation flight" to Seattle and back. I took just the workshop, though the full clinic would probably be really a really fun and enriching experience, even for those who aren't afraid of flying.

About 20 people attended. Most of them shared my fears, many had more intense ones. A few said that they avoid flying, choose to drive or even cancel trips and events, and/or fly only while heavily medicated. Sounds familiar!

The course was led by a team of a volunteer moderator (a former graduate of the course), a clinical psychologist and practicing therapist, and a super experienced pilot.

The agenda kicked off with an introduction to some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy concepts and techniques (e.g. exploring the relationship between the environment, thoughts, feelings, physical responses and behaviors). While I was familiar with the content from all my general therapy experience, it was.

The pilot's presentation was long and awesome! It featured an overview of pilot hiring and training requirements, an overview of the plane components (wings, engines, etc.) and how they work in flight mechanics, and a discussion of the major anxiety-inducing components of the flight: takeoff, landing and everybody's favorite, turbulence. I was pleasantly surprised by the length and thoroughness of the presentation! I thought that the pilot's presentation would be an hour max, but he reviewed a lot of information and answered TON of questions from the class attendees. It was cool that most of the questions asked were usually ones I also had, even if I had forgotten.

We wrapped up by further review of CBT techniques, including identifying cognitive distortions and lead to irrational thoughts and beliefs. We also discussed the importance of experiencing anxiety rather than avoiding it. I think this was one of the most powerful parts of the class. The therapist reiterated that all anxiety ends, and the more you allow yourself to get to the peak and then let it end naturally, the easier it will be to manage. I think the beauty of this guidance is that it applies to all anxiety-provoking situations, not just to flying.

Am I cured of my fear? Hell no! But hoping that I can get to a point when I feel the same about flying as I do about walking down the street.







Last six months





The last six months have been relatively calm and stable. Not too many huge changes, which has been nice for actually making progress at work, organizing the house (OK, not really, but thinking about it), and focusing on longer-term plans. And watching M grow and develop, though I try really hard to prioritize and be mindful of that regardless of what's going on.

Since we moved to our new apartment in February, there have been a number of events and milestones.
- M turned two in June, and we celebrated
- We had an excellent family weekend away in San Diego
- We traveled to Israel to visit my husband's family
- Visited Las Vegas to meet my new niece!
- Weekended away in Monterey/Carmel with some friends
- I finished a couple of big projects at work

Love having a sweet newborn in the Ergo while ALSO being fully rested!!!


I'm not yet sure what the next six months will bring, but I'm starting to plan. Some goals I have:
- Make some progress about next career steps
- Contribute to society (through volunteer work or in some other way)
- Start doing more play dates for M (now that she really seems to start enjoying them)
- Keep good relationship and communication going with my husband...maybe with more date nights and adventures

Will share more specific goals in a later post.



Weekend in Monterey




Last weekend we went to Monterey. It was beautiful and relaxing.

We went for three reasons:
- My husband's brother and his family were going to be there for the weekend
- Our friends (who have a kid the same age as M) wanted to go somewhere for the Labor Day weekend
- Monterey is fabulous

Accommodations
We rented a 3-br 2-ba AirBnB in Carmel, in an area in the hills, among ranch houses. We decided to splurge a bit on a bigger place because we figured we'd be spending a significant amount of time there - with two 2-year-olds who nap and go to bed around 8, it's necessary. The total cost for the weekend was about $900, and the bulk of it was the rental.

Food
We also kept our food costs down by buying groceries, so we had breakfast, snacks and grilled tacos for dinner one night. We got Vietnamese takeout the other night.

Fun
- On Saturday, we went for a "hike" in Point Lobos. It was more like a beautiful and short nature walk. M was initially scared to walk on the path, and then we didn't want her to walk on the path because there was very dense poison oak along both sides. Omer carried her on his shoulders most of the time, and I tried, as well. Thankfully we did get out to the water, and the view was quite enchanting, especially because it was after 5pm and the sun was starting to set.
- On Sunday, I went for a short but lovely run in the morning, and then took M to the aquarium. I enjoyed seeing the fish and the otters, but M was scared of...pretty much everything. She was OK with the penguins, I think. She did love the indoor play area, though we could've just as easily had that experience by going to a playground.
- Met up with brother-in-law, sister-in-law and Mila's cousins for lunch at the The Grill at Lovers Point.
- My mom was really interested in taking Mila for the night, so O and I drove her to Gilroy and did the handoff. I felt a bit conflicted about it because I also wanted to spend more time with her, but it's always nice to be able to have a relaxed dinner and to sleep in the next day.
- Went for a quick wine tasting with Lee afterwards while Omer grilled.
- On Sunday, O and I went for a nice run, had a leisurely breakfast and chatted, packed and cleaned up, and headed back around 1pm.

Definitely a worthwhile and memorable trip.